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and so it is, just like you said it would be

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So I decided to think of what my style type is exactly.. and this is the most clever thing I could come up with:

70s retro-chic (excluding anything relating to the hippie movement) meets wartime circa 1930s meets modern military.

Anything with clean, crisp, clear lines and very simplistic clothing. Minus the heavy fabrics of the 1930s. More later.


My Cool - Adam Tensta
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- Panhandled
- Washed cars for money
- Sang with an acoustic guitar for money
- Had school spirit (this one is still growing on me)
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If I could spend all my money on something, it would be fashion.
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Another sleepless night.

What can I say? If nothing else, I realized that I need to get out more.


indifferent indifferent
Don't Trust Me - 3OH!3
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I meant to write again, I really did... but here I am. I've decided to come back to this.

Upon looking back, and reading a bit, and comparing how I felt before and how I feel now, all I have to say is that, if it's not what it seems like, then it's not it. Something like this should not be so complicated. Delusions aside, it can and will only happen once.

This year has been one of the best for me. I have grown a lot as a human being, mentally and emotionally. I am waning myself from needing a crutch in my life, but of course that will always be a work in progress. Although I didn't party hard, I did make new, meaningful relationships. I never thought there would be a twilight behind their eyes but there is a lot that I'm ignorant about. Another facet that I am trying to work on is getting off my high horse and enjoying all that I can instead of shutting out most of it. Again, another work in progress. But I'm excited with the prospect of being alone, away from family and people I know here (not that either are partularly bad), I just really want to get out and do something.

I should have probably written this as a my grad quote, but if you'd have asked me four years ago how I thought highschool would be, I guess I can say that,

This isn't how I think it would turn out, but everything in the end, was always for the better. Que sera.

I don't regret, because as someone so aptly put it, you shouldn't, because at one point in time, it was exactly what you wanted.
contemplative contemplative
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I didn't think this would ever come, but it's here. I am done highschool and I have accepted my university offers. I will be going to Laurier University in the Fall, for a BSc in Psychology. I don't really know what to think or say, because I'm sort of a crux in my life, in a sweet, blissfully ignorant transition moment in my life. I haven't writtein in livejournal in a while and I figured I'd take a crack at it.

I think what I neglected to mention, first and foremost, was my trip to Europe. It was simply amazing, maybe not the trip itself but the continent. I love being on the outside looking in, being virtually unknown in a such a large area. Spain was the most amazing of all. Barcelona reminded me a lot of Toronto, which was very comforting. It had the charm of an old city with all the archetecture of a new one. It was so nice to see the juxtaposition... Italy was nice too. Perhaps my feelings were dampered for the city because of the poor weather, as it had been significantly colder in Italy than it was in Spain.

Tomorrow there is a retreat at Western, and it'll be nice to see everyone again. I miss people, and I miss seeing them.. but it'll be nice. I think I'm at that point in my life where I am socially comfortable with who I'm with... it's actually very comforting that I have frinds whom I can rely on. There will be more reflections of the last school year shortly. For now, I need to go sleep.

Oh, and for future reference (for me), download the song Pages of my Letters by Keri Noble
pensive pensive
Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap
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So, I’m at a crux in my life. What is it always about? School, of course. But even more than that – more than school, but the rest of my life. I think I have decided to make one of the largest choices in my life, one of moving away. I have decided that, after my first or second year of university, I will apply to medical school in the UK. My first choice will be a school in England, preferably London, but with no definite plans afterwards. It’s likely that I won’t get my license to practice in Canada for years and years, which keeps me confined within the EU. This doesn’t terrify me as much as it would most. I think what’s more challenging is the idea of things never being the same. If these plans do fall through, I don’t know if I’d return to Canada. Perhaps it’s less so the decision that is bothering me but the uncertainty of it. I don’t know if I’ll like England, when my entire family is so established here. But this is the opportunity that I have always, always wanted – to study abroad, and in England, no less. Getting into medical school in Canada is near impossible and going to England would be a great experience.


I guess I’ll have to see how the next few years pan out? In all honesty though, I’m getting older. I don’t have many years left to decide how to proceed with the rest of my life and money isn’t growing on trees, either. What is my motivation for leaving? The certainty of a guaranteed spot in medical school? The time saved? The fact that I’ll finally be independent? I think I’ve been home sick before, but this is at least 6 years of my life that I won’t be able to call Canada and Toronto my home. But I’ve never let anything deter me before from something that I’ve truly wanted, I’m far too hard-headed for that. Or does that mean I’m really foolish?


Hm. . .


On the one hand, it seems like everyone in the previous generation had this kind of issue to deal with before. They’ve all left their home countries for a new and uncertain adventure, never landing where they began and settling down there. It’s difficult, but maybe it’s character building. Maybe I’m overthinking the entire situation.

Africa - Karl Wolf
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McMaster - LifeSci
Laurier - Psych
Western - BioMedSci
Western - HealthSci
Laurier - Bio
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I usually sleep well. Everyone who knows me knows that I sleep well and I damn well enjoy sleeping (in general). It's strange to note that I've been getting less sleep due to anxiety and stress, and I am incapable of doing anything else (besides being anxious). Today my stress is.... medical school. Getting the beautiful 4.0 without losing my mind or my personality. Hm....
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Books I have "studied" throughout highschool, and if I could summarize them in 1 sentence:

The Alchemist - Read
It's about finding your soul, and shit.

Romeo and Juliet - Didn't read

Green Angel - Read
Angsty teen needs to find herself in 150 pages or less.

Julius Ceasar - Did not read
Something about a guy in politics being betrayed. Or something.

Lord of the Flies - Read
Kids without supervision go batshit. Seriously.

A Streetcar Named Desire - Read
Rich, washed out white people go batshit.

1984 - ...Skimmed
Big Brother is always watching.

Mad Shadows - Read
Insane French family. Enough said.

The Educated Imagination - skimmed
A week's worth of literary lectures condensed into print. You do the math.

Oedipus - Read
Don't try to fight fate, because you'll just end up marrying your mom and killing your dad.

Altered States - Read
Useless book. Just terrible.

Lolita - Still need to read.
- I am doing my EE on it. Hm.
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